thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize