i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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