I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
