I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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