I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
