Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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