yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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