I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
