Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
