The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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