1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
