Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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