OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize
