i think my mom watched the whole time
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Say something about gay babies.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
