pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
