I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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