Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize