you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
