I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
