I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
