And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
