I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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