woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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