One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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