I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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