my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
