you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
