Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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