You're my little dorito
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
