anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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