I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
