Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
