ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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