i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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