Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
