I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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