just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
