Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think your dad took our porno
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
