hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
