my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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