Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Send help, water and tortillas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
