the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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