is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
