When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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