'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
