We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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