You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize