I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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