This girl is more easily done than said...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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