watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
