may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
