I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
