nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
