Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
