look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize