I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
