He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
