Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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