You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Never joke about your clitoris.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
