she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
