chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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