rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
