One girl and one boy is just not enough.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
