So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
