he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
