I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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