My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
birth control should be required to get into college
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
