She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
