I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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