His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
