I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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