But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
